Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Oestrogen Also Rules.


A true story for G.


Peace is restored to the garden.

At the weekend  Cat (small Granddaughter's Significant Other) enjoyed a lot of TLC in the swing. He needed it because  few days earlier he had been the subject of a particularly bold kidnap attempt in the park. He had been snatched from Little E's hands by a puppy, tossed around, chewed and hurled round the park with quite a number of people trying to rescue him.
Very fortunately, he was rescued and restored, damp and shaken, to his rightful owner, who was equally damp and shaken. They both came here for some rest and relaxation in the shade.
'Thank goodness',  I thought. 'Thank goodness the builders and fencers will not be doing their usual things next door, and the air will be clean and pure and relatively noise free.'

It stayed that way over the weekend.

Then they came back.
They had decided I was a lady, so I decided to act like not only a lady, but also an Earth Mother.
It was a very hot morning. I told them I was concerned for them, struggling out there in the heat, struggling with concrete posts and heavy fencing panels. Averting my eyes from the tattoos and considerable amounts of glistening flesh I asked if they would like a hot or cold drink. They opted for hot so I took it out in pretty china mugs and gave them a little talk about dehydration.
They didn't know what to call me, but later decided on 'Madam'........'The cups are empty, Madam.'
'As I've done that for you, perhaps you'd be kind enough to move your lorry so that I can get my car back into the driveway?' I said. There was a general scramble for the keys and the lorry shot forward. They offered to wave me into the drive, but I assured them I could manage.

I offered another drink a couple of hours later and delivered another brief lecture on the perils of dehydration while working in the noon sun.
Shortly afterwards there was a crash and a volley of expletives as a concrete fence post hit something it shouldn't have done.
'That's at least two quid in the swear box, Damien,' said his partner. 'You know what we said while the lady's here.'
'The lady is here,' I said. 'Have you really got a swear box?'
'Yes,' they said. 'It was bad last week'.
I agreed that it had been bad last week and asked them where they were donating the money in the swear box. They looked a bit blank. I don't think they had planned that far ahead, so I was able to ask them to donate it here, because as soon as I'm better I will be returning to work here.

They returned to work, with another drink in fine china planned for another couple of hours.
There was a steady hum of industry, but nothing else. Even the radio fell silent. Cat and Little E. could have consoled each other in the swing, three year-old neighbour could have visited with impunity. The air stayed fresh and clean and pure except for the odd minute or two of concrete-cutting.

Perhaps the china mug is more powerful than the pneumatic drill?

11 comments:

Marigold Jam said...

Perhaps it is! Maybe a little care and attention from a real lady was all that was required. Gingers crossed that the china continues to do the trick. Do hope Cat has fully recovered and that Grand-daughter too has forgotten the traumatic kidnap! I hope it won't be too long before you are back to work either.

Marigold Jam said...

Oops should have read Fingers crossed and to think at one time I taught typing! Also have just remembered that the Wanderer had a significant other who was tosssed into the paddling pool by a visiting boy!! Glad to say neither Spot nor Wanderer suffered any lasting damage!

Peregrina said...

The smile on my face after reading this will last all day. I'm so glad you're having a more peaceful time now in spite of the "property development" next door, especially since the weather still seems so summery and the garden such a lovely place to be in.

Hooray for oestrogen! A case of gentleness manifested by concerned words and dainty tea-cups being mightier than swear-word-toting testosterone?

Elephant's Child said...

I love it. And am smiling all over my face. Well done.
Hooray for oestrogen - and for the saviours of Cat (and Granddaughter).

Leslee said...

Brilliant! Yes, hooray for oestrogen (or estrogen, as we spell it in the US). Alas, I'm not sure the dainty tea cups would do the trick over here. There's that whole thing about throwing tea in the local harbor and all. ;-)

Zhoen said...

We behave as we are treated, and it's nice to have a level to aspire to.

Tattoos don't mean what they used to. Some nice people have lots of ink.

Glad Cat was safe with just a bit of dog-drool to expunge.

Relatively Retiring said...

Marigold: people like Spot and Cat give valuable first lessons in loss and grief and (hopefully) restoration. (If I use my tablet for email etc it goes into predictive text without warning, and I could easily send some very interesting messages.)

Peregrina and E.C.: I'm glad it gave you a smile for the day.

Leslee: Oh, I forgot about the tea parties you have in Boston.

Zhoen: I take your point about tattoos, but it does also depend on what they say or depict. They may also give different signals here in Middle England where people are easily scared. I'm honestly not judgemental - but easily threatened. After all, I'm planning my own tattoos.

Joy said...

You single-handedly changed the atmosphere. The Bible says, "a soft answer turneth away wrath..." Not that there was any wrath, but you started out on the right foot and avoided any possible unpleasantness.We do become a bit wiser as we age, don't we?

Relatively Retiring said...

Joy: thank you for reading and commenting. I've had another quiet and courteous morning with no radio blaring and no shouting.....and pretty china again.

Anonymous said...

Hallo RR,
1. Glad your are returned from the ( first rate ) hospital and getting better.
2. China tea cups and gentleness from a lady will hopefully always result in peace and harmony.

A lovely post. Look after yourself.
Herhimnbryn

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Yes , you catch more flies with honey !